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Lunar Olympic Officials Continue Search For Missing Pole Vaulter

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Lunar Olympic Officials Continue Search For Missing Pole Vaulter

HNG KONG LUNA—Hans Snetterling of the Interplanetary Olympic Committee announced Monday that the search for Irish pole vaulter Mei-Ling Kryscynski, last seen clearing the eastern rim of the Tycho Brahe crater at supraorbital velocity, will continue until 90 days have passed. "We regret the lack of foresight that led to this accident, as well as the shot-put and javelin events that led to 12 deaths in Spain." In response to the Lunar Olympic problems, the IOC is considering a high-gravity site such as Jupiter for the 2060 games, a suggestion that was protested by the judo, gymnastics, and powerlifting delegations.

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