adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lunar Olympic Officials Continue Search For Missing Pole Vaulter

HNG KONG LUNA—Hans Snetterling of the Interplanetary Olympic Committee announced Monday that the search for Irish pole vaulter Mei-Ling Kryscynski, last seen clearing the eastern rim of the Tycho Brahe crater at supraorbital velocity, will continue until 90 days have passed. "We regret the lack of foresight that led to this accident, as well as the shot-put and javelin events that led to 12 deaths in Spain." In response to the Lunar Olympic problems, the IOC is considering a high-gravity site such as Jupiter for the 2060 games, a suggestion that was protested by the judo, gymnastics, and powerlifting delegations.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close