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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Lyndon Johnson Jr. Sworn In As George Editor

HYANNISPORT, MA—At 4:11 a.m. EST Saturday, Lyndon Baines Johnson Jr. was sworn in as editor-in-chief of George magazine following the death of John F. Kennedy Jr. in a plane crash. "At this tragic time in our magazine's history, let us look forward, remembering always the legacy of my predecessor," said the 51-year-old Johnson, previously George's assistant editor, after being hastily sworn in by Chief Justice William Rehnquist on a New York-bound DC-10 jet. "Let us now begin a process of healing, followed by a time of renewal at over 60 percent off the regular cover price." The somber ceremony was witnessed by an estimated 15 George staffers and subscribers.

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