adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lyndon Johnson Pulls Ahead In Poll Of Nation's Alzheimer's Patients

BOCA RATON, FL—A survey of the nation’s Alzheimer’s patients conducted Sunday by Public Policy Polling indicates that Lyndon Johnson now holds a comfortable 8-point lead in the 2012 presidential race, having pulled ahead of candidates Hubert Humphrey, Adlai Stevenson, Mitt Romney, and Gen. George S. Patton. “I’m voting for Lyndon Johnson this year,” said poll respondent Marjorie Halter, adding that she cast a ballot for Gregory Peck in the last election, and that she intends to vote for the Democratic ticket again this November. “I think Johnson and [Halter’s son] Doug will make a really strong team.” According to the poll, a full 14 percent of Alzheimer’s patients are still undecided, and could very well end up voting for former Olympic gymnast Dominique Moceanu if she does well in Tuesday’s debate.

More from this section

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close