adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lyndon Johnson Pulls Ahead In Poll Of Nation's Alzheimer's Patients

BOCA RATON, FL—A survey of the nation’s Alzheimer’s patients conducted Sunday by Public Policy Polling indicates that Lyndon Johnson now holds a comfortable 8-point lead in the 2012 presidential race, having pulled ahead of candidates Hubert Humphrey, Adlai Stevenson, Mitt Romney, and Gen. George S. Patton. “I’m voting for Lyndon Johnson this year,” said poll respondent Marjorie Halter, adding that she cast a ballot for Gregory Peck in the last election, and that she intends to vote for the Democratic ticket again this November. “I think Johnson and [Halter’s son] Doug will make a really strong team.” According to the poll, a full 14 percent of Alzheimer’s patients are still undecided, and could very well end up voting for former Olympic gymnast Dominique Moceanu if she does well in Tuesday’s debate.

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close