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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Macaulay Culkin Hoping Some 'Funny Or Die' Writer Comes Up With Video Idea For Him

LOS ANGELES—Saying that it would likely be amusing and very popular, actor Macaulay Culkin told reporters Tuesday that he hopes staff writers at the website Funny Or Die are currently coming up with ideas for a parody video he could star in. “There has to be someone over there in his late 20s who loves making fun of the 1990s and has me in mind for something,” said the 32-year-old former child star, adding that he imagines a video of no more than three minutes in length that would show viewers he isn’t afraid to poke fun at his own career, but would also pay homage to his place in pop-culture history. “I’m sure they’ve batted my name around before, and maybe a few ideas have been bounced off producers. They could do something where I’m at home alone as an adult and Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci keep trying to break into my house—like it’s just this annoying routine that’s become part of my life. Or it’s like a parody of My Girl where a swarm of angry bees attacks me at the end of every shot. But I’m just spitballing here—this is in their wheelhouse, so I'll let them come up with the ideas.” At press time, Culkin said he would be open to lampooning the end of The Good Son where he falls off a cliff, but instead of plummeting to his death, his shirt becomes snagged on a tree branch and he’s forced to make awkward conversation with Elijah Wood.

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