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Politics

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

What To Expect From James Comey’s Book

Former FBI director James Comey is writing a book due out next spring about leadership, decision-making, and his time at the FBI. Here’s what to look for when the book is released.

Nation Not Sure How Many Ex-Trump Staffers It Can Safely Reabsorb

WASHINGTON—Noting that the resignation of Anthony Scaramucci as White House communications director marked the ouster of the third top administration official in less than two weeks, a worried populace told reporters Monday that it was unsure how many former Trump staffers it could safely reabsorb.
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Machiavellian White House Groundskeeper Gaining Influence Among West Wing Staff

WASHINGTON—In one of the most startling horticultural power plays to strike the executive branch in years, conniving groundskeeper Irv Williams is gaining sway over the West Wing staff, anonymous sources said Tuesday. The 83-year-old has reportedly used his favor to place aides in prime gardening posts, silence hostile landscapers, and manipulate his way into daily classified security briefings. "It started with a few tiny water elms along the edge of the property, and then there was a koi pond, the zinnias, and that ficus he gave [Press Secretary Robert] Gibbs," said one source, peering over his shoulder. "Now he's taking late night meetings with the attorney general to address 'concerns' he has about the president's ability to pick perennials. Christ have mercy on every last one of us." Sources close to Williams said he will stop at nothing, or when he gets a new watering can.

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