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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Macklemore Reminds Grammys Audience About CDs Available For Sale In Lobby

LOS ANGELES—Immediately following his performance Sunday night at the 56th annual Grammy Awards, Seattle-based rapper Macklemore politely reminded audience members at the Staples Center that he had CDs and other merchandise available for purchase in the lobby. “Make sure to drop by and see us after the show, because we’ve got CDs, posters, decals, and I think T-shirts, too, if we remembered to bring them,” the recipient of seven Grammy nominations said while gesturing toward a small folding table near the rear of the auditorium and noting that he was currently running a deal of $10 for one CD or $15 for two. “Ryan [Lewis] is over there right now, and I’m about to go join him, so please stop by and say hi. Also, don’t forget to sign our mailing list, if you haven’t already! Thanks, everybody.” At press time, sources reported that Macklemore and Lewis were explaining to a customer that while they weren’t set up to take cards, they did accept cash and would be glad to make change for a 20.

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