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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Mad Sabermetrician Creates The Perfect Baseball Player's Statistics

MINNEAPOLIS—Sequestered in his parents' basement for the past 18 months, mad sabermetrician Gary Neeman emerged Wednesday after achieving the perfect combination of objective knowledge and functional predictors of future performance, successfully assembling the ideal baseball player's 2006 season statistics. "The VORP of Ty Cobb, the win shares of Barry Bonds, the equivalent average of Ted Williams—I have created the mathematical representation of the ultimate run-producing machine!" said Neeman, holding the sacred Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract above his head and invoking the isolated power of Babe Ruth. "I will soon share this creation with the entire baseball world, as long as I can find an overhead projector in time for the annual SABR Convention in Seattle this June!" Neeman's earlier attempts to produce the perfect player's statistics failed, as each of his first eight results was identical to Albert Pujols' 2005 batting line.

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