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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Magazine Article About Mindy Kaling Fails To Mention She’s A Woman

NEW YORK—According to sources, a piece appearing in this month’s issue of Vanity Fair magazine about actress, comedian, and author Mindy Kaling does not once mention that she is a woman. Along with never remarking upon Kaling’s gender, the 850-word article fails to bring up Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Chelsea Handler, Whitney Cummings, Lena Dunham, Adam Carolla, or the 2011 film Bridesmaids, and at no point makes use of the phrase “women in comedy” or “funniest ladies on TV.” Sources said the piece also neglects to observe that Kaling’s profession is predominantly made up of white males, and fails to further note that Kaling is not only a woman, but a woman of Indian descent. At press time, Mindy Kaling is a woman in comedy.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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