adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Magglio Ordonez, Placido Polanco Stay Up All Night Talking About Favorite Hitting Situations

DETROIT—Following their game against the Twins Tuesday, Tigers outfielder Magglio Ordonez and second baseman Placido Polanco stayed in their hotel room all night, giddily discussing their favorite in-game hitting situations. "Definitely 2-0 count, one out, runners on the corners, and a lefty on the mound—definitely," Ordonez said, giggling excitedly as he explained how he would sit on a fastball on the outer half of the plate and drive it to the right-center gap. Polanco reportedly shrugged, saying, "That's pretty good, but picture this: right-handed pitcher, day game, on turf, full count, and…runners on first and second. This way, the runners are off with the pitch, and the first baseman would be shading the line to protect against the extra-base hit, so bam, I just punch it right through the hole. Oh, oh, and what about the old one-out, 1-1 count hit-and-run? Can't go wrong with a classic." The two then mentioned how great it would be to hit with a runner on third and less than two outs in October, at which point they both sighed, fell silent, and went to bed.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close