adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Magic Game Plan To Out-Basketball Cavaliers

ORLANDO—Although many NBA analysts are saying the more talented and defensively dominant Cavs are certain to win the Orlando-Cleveland series, Magic players and coaches are confident that LeBron James and his supporting cast can be out-basketballed. "I really think we can basketball better than they can over the course of a long series. We already basketballed better than they basketballed in two games this year," Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy said. "We have to concentrate on basketballing patiently on offense and not over-basketballing it when we're under our own net, meanwhile taking advantage of their tendency to under-basketball on transitions. So, if we're smart and stay composed, then, yes, these guys can certainly be out-basketballed." Van Gundy would not comment on whether or not his team would be outscored.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close