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Magnanimous Boss, King Of Kings, Allows Employees To Watch World Cup In Office

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Magnanimous Boss, King Of Kings, Allows Employees To Watch World Cup In Office

BOULDER, CO—In a glorious display of his infinite compassion and charity, sources within PLG Marketing Group confirmed Tuesday that the great and magnanimous CEO Daniel Weiss, King of Kings, will allow his employees to freely watch the World Cup semifinal match on a television in the office. “If anyone is interested, today’s World Cup game will be on in the small conference room, so feel free to stop by,” His Grace, The Wise And Benevolent, The Giver Of All Things, reportedly wrote in a company-wide email, reaching down from on high to bestow upon his disciples the splendid fruits of their labor. “The game starts at 2, so be sure to finish up your work before then. Go Germany!” At press time, PLG’s entire staff was quietly debating whether to watch the match in the conference room or to simply stream it discreetly on their computers as they have been doing for the entire tournament thus far.

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