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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Making Your Marriage Last

With the divorce rate at 50 percent, lifelong wedded bliss is far from guaranteed for married couples. Here are some tips to help keep the flame of love burning years after that walk down the aisle.

  • Be sure to thank your spouse whenever they do something nice, even if it's something as small as taking it up the ass.
  • The best way to ensure a long-lasting marriage is to keep your individual needs out of it.
  • Treat your partner with respect. Don't hit him/her in front of relatives.
  • A good relationship leaves room for outside interests. Be supportive of your spouse's rough-sex-with-the-mailman hobby.
  • Cranking out another child is a great way to bring you and your spouse closer together.
  • Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and scream at each other for 24 hours, 36 hours—however long it takes.
  • Always speak to spouse in soothing, patronizing tones.
  • Take out your marital problems on your young children.
  • Communication is the key to a good marriage. Be sure your spouse knows every last little thing you hate about him/her.
  • Sit down with your spouse and work out a diet that will allow you to get big and fat together.
  • If your marriage is truly in jeopardy, stay in touch with your phone psychic at all times.
  • Countless conflicts can be avoided by walking out on your family for years at a time.
  • In a two-job household, both careers need to be considered, even if one is some silly little woman endeavor.
  • One common myth states that hitting is no way to solve a marital dispute, but studies show this is not always the case.
  • If you sense that your marriage is growing stale, accept it and live out the remainder of your days in unfulfilled misery and despair.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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