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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Male Substitute Teacher With Ponytail Cloaked In Mystery

GREENFIELD, RI—Knowing neither where the man came from, what his story is, or what, if anything, he hoped to accomplish, Greenfield High School students in Mrs. Edwards’ fourth period English class confirmed Tuesday that their new male, ponytailed substitute teacher has been heretofore cloaked in a veil of mystery too deep to penetrate. “He doesn’t look like our usual subs and he’s, like, 30 or something,” sophomore Peter Tate said of the enigmatic man in a dress shirt and jeans whose hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and who told students they should feel free to address him as “Tyler.” “We didn’t really do any work. He told us he wanted today’s lesson to be more of a ‘conversation,’ whatever that means. It wasn’t really clear what else is going on with his life, but he can’t just be some weirdo because then why would the school let him teach kids?” At press time, the substitute teacher’s legend had only grown as students spotted the inscrutable figure pulling out of the school’s parking lot at lunch on a 1996 Kawasaki Ninja.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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