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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Man Actually Shouting At Other Man To Get Jennifer Aniston Romantic Comedy Made

LOS ANGELES—In a tone usually reserved only for life-threatening circumstances, a fully grown man repeatedly raised his voice Monday in order to intimidate another fully grown man into producing a light-hearted, 86-minute Jennifer Aniston film. "I will ruin you!" roared the first man, literally threatening a fellow human being in an effort to get the quirky romantic comedy about a small-town pastry chef made. "I will fucking kill you!" Sources reported the two men continued violently shouting at each other for 15 minutes, and then resumed their racquetball game.

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