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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Anxiously Scanning Bar’s Reaction To Jukebox Selection

CHICAGO—Saying he hoped his choice would not kill the room’s vibe, sources confirmed Thursday night that local man Jared Chambers was anxiously scanning fellow patrons at Collin’s Tavern to judge the reaction to his recent jukebox selection. “I think this is a pretty safe song, but I don’t know,” said Chambers, who reportedly appeared visibly relieved after seeing several people briefly nod along to the opening notes. “Nobody got really excited, but it doesn’t seem like anybody hates it, either. I think, at worst, some people just don’t care either way, and I guess I can live with that.” At press time, Chambers’ confidence in his song was suddenly destroyed after seeing another patron briskly get up and begin quickly flipping through the jukebox song catalogue.

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