adBlockCheck

Entertainment

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Arrested For Stealing More Than $50,000 In Beards From Hank Williams, Jr.

PARIS, TN—The Henry County Sheriff's Department announced Monday the arrest of a local man charged with burglarizing the climate-controlled beard humidor of country artist Hank Williams, Jr. and stealing his entire archive of human beards. "This man stole goatees, Vandykes, Shenandoahs, French forks, and even the original $4,000 Garibaldi that was the prize of Mr. Williams' collection," Deputy Bob McCrary told reporters. "He left nothing behind but stubble and some mismatched sideburns; it's a miracle we caught him, given his considerable ability to disguise himself." The recovery of the collection has come as an enormous relief to Williams, who for days had been forced to make do with only a soul patch and toothbrush mustache borrowed from friends.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close