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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man At Bar Has Incredibly Complicated Reason For Why He Enjoys Rolling Rock

IDAHO FALLS, ID—Misinterpreting a bartender's raised eyebrow as an unspoken question, Kenny's Bar patron Neil Plottman delivered a long, convoluted explanation Wednesday as to why he ordered a Rolling Rock beer. "Well, when I was in college in Philly, me and my friend used to drink this all the time," Plottman said. "Plus there's the whole supporting-local-businesses thing, and the cool '33' on the label there, which not a lot of people know is a Masonic thing. Not a bad beer, once you get used to it." Plottman then ruined a game of darts by explaining to the uninterested players what he would drink if Rolling Rock wasn't available and why he had to drink beer out of a mug instead of a pilsner glass.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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