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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Man Attends 25-Year Nursery School Reunion

LA GRANGE, IL—Area man Brian Classon attended his 25-year nursery school reunion on Friday and told reporters he had a great time reconnecting with old friends from nap time. "It's amazing how much everyone has changed, especially Janet Norgren," said Classon, adding that he was happy to see Tom Packard had realized his ambition to become a fireman. "She's like 3 feet taller, has put on quite a bit of weight. But the real surprise is Jeff. He has calmed down a lot." Classon said it was also the first time he had seen his old classmates get totally shit-faced and vomit in a garbage can.

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