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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Man Begins Life In New City By Taking Last Ever Walk Around Neighborhood

CHICAGO—Peeking into the windows of local bakeries and coffee shops and making a mental note of all the area’s nearby businesses, new resident Tom Cohen settled into his surroundings Monday by going on his last ever walk around his neighborhood, sources confirmed. “I can’t wait to stop into that little bookstore down the street and grab a drink at the bar around the corner, plus it’s just a 10-minute walk to the lake, which I’ll definitely head back to when the weather’s warmer,” Cohen said upon returning from his final stroll through the area to begin unpacking his belongings and set up his new residence. “There are so many restaurants nearby that will be fun to check out, and there’s that nice park a few blocks up that has a farmer’s market where I can get fresh produce every week. I can definitely see myself having a great time around here.” At press time, Cohen had said a quick hello to his neighbor across the hall, marking the final word he will ever utter to another person in his apartment building.

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