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Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

Study Finds Dangers Even In Casual Bullfighting

BETHESDA, MD—Challenging conventional wisdom about the activity’s hazards, a groundbreaking new study by the National Institutes of Health published Thursday has determined there are significant dangers even in casual bullfighting.
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Man Begins Life In New City By Taking Last Ever Walk Around Neighborhood

CHICAGO—Peeking into the windows of local bakeries and coffee shops and making a mental note of all the area’s nearby businesses, new resident Tom Cohen settled into his surroundings Monday by going on his last ever walk around his neighborhood, sources confirmed. “I can’t wait to stop into that little bookstore down the street and grab a drink at the bar around the corner, plus it’s just a 10-minute walk to the lake, which I’ll definitely head back to when the weather’s warmer,” Cohen said upon returning from his final stroll through the area to begin unpacking his belongings and set up his new residence. “There are so many restaurants nearby that will be fun to check out, and there’s that nice park a few blocks up that has a farmer’s market where I can get fresh produce every week. I can definitely see myself having a great time around here.” At press time, Cohen had said a quick hello to his neighbor across the hall, marking the final word he will ever utter to another person in his apartment building.

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