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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Man Bragging About How Infrequently He Receives Dental Care

TACOMA, WA—Treating the amount of time that had passed since his last appointment as a source of great personal pride, local man Kyle Telford, 25, reportedly bragged to several friends Friday about how infrequently he receives dental care. “I haven’t been to the dentist for at least four or five years now,” Telford reportedly said aloud in a confident and gloating tone of voice, proudly touting the fact that he had received no professional teeth cleaning over a period of time during which experts recommend seeing a dentist eight to 10 times. “Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I went. I probably haven’t gone since freshman year of college, or maybe it was back in high school. My parents are always telling me to make an appointment, but I never do.” Telford reportedly followed his show of bravado about his rare dentist visits with a grandiose boast that he has no intention of seeing a doctor even though he’s been having frequent unexplained headaches recently.

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