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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Brings Visiting Parents Into Office To Meet Coworkers Who Can't Stand Him

AUSTIN, TX—Area product manager Wayne Landgraf, 26, reportedly brought his visiting parents to his workplace at the Vasquez Group earlier this morning, taking the time to introduce them to all his coworkers who can’t stand him. “So, this is the whole gang—Stephen, Alice, Robbie, Kath, and, well, everyone else,” said Landgraf, acquainting his mother and father with 18 people who despise the sound of his voice, exclude him from social gatherings, and regularly duck into conference rooms to vent to each other about how much he pisses them off. “I’m glad you finally got to meet these guys. I guess now you can put the names with the faces!” At press time, sources said Landgraf was unable to find his parents, who were busy amusing a group of their son’s colleagues with stories of how much of a little asshole he was as a kid.

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