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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Calls Trust Fund Savings

NEW YORK—Following a year of fruitless efforts to find a job, unemployed 26-year-old Scott Wesley, who reportedly lives off a $2 million trust fund established by his parents, confirmed Thursday he “still has enough in savings” to make ends meet for the time being. “The job market’s tough right now, but thankfully I have some money put away in my savings account,” said Wesley, apparently referring to the professionally managed investment fund to which his parents have been the sole contributors since his birth. “Obviously, living off your savings isn’t ideal, but I’m not too worried. I’ve been through rough stretches before, and somehow in the end I’m always able to find enough to cover all my expenses.” At press time, sources confirmed the man’s parents had just deposited $30,000 into his checking account.

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