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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Man Can't Decide Whether To Give Sandwich To Homeless Or Ducks

ST. PAUL, MN– While eating lunch in Como Park Monday, Justin Winningham, 34, struggled to decide whether to give his extra smoked-turkey sandwich to a homeless man or a group of ducks. "The homeless guy seemed pretty hungry and probably would have appreciated it," Winningham said. "But those ducks just looked so darn cute, and I knew they'd get all excited and flap their wings if I fed them." After noticing a slight paunch on the homeless man, Winningham decided the ducks needed the food more and lovingly hand-fed them.

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