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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Man Can't Decide Whether To Give Sandwich To Homeless Or Ducks

ST. PAUL, MN– While eating lunch in Como Park Monday, Justin Winningham, 34, struggled to decide whether to give his extra smoked-turkey sandwich to a homeless man or a group of ducks. "The homeless guy seemed pretty hungry and probably would have appreciated it," Winningham said. "But those ducks just looked so darn cute, and I knew they'd get all excited and flap their wings if I fed them." After noticing a slight paunch on the homeless man, Winningham decided the ducks needed the food more and lovingly hand-fed them.

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