Man Can't Get Police To Care About His Bob Crane Murder Theory

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

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Man Can't Get Police To Care About His Bob Crane Murder Theory

SCOTTSDALE, AZ— Despite his best efforts, Paul Bernardin, 38, has been unable to
get the Scottsdale Police Department to care about his theory regarding the unsolved 1978
murder of actor Bob Crane in Scottsdale. "[Bernardin] keeps coming in here saying he
knows who killed Col. Hogan," police chief Walter Dunfey said Monday. "Then he
usually goes off on how the electrical cord Crane was strangled with doesn't match the
ones in the other rooms of the hotel he was in. What am I supposed to do with that
information?" Bernardin, Dunfey said, is also convinced that the police possess
Crane's infamous stash of self-produced amateur pornography.

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