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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Cautiously Avoids Barnes & Noble Section Where Teens Check Out Graphic Novels

ITHACA, NY—Looking visibly uncomfortable, Barnes & Noble customer Paul Gannon, 36, confirmed Saturday that a group of teenagers sitting against, and hovering around, the Graphic Novels area was preventing him from perusing the section. “I really don’t want to go over there,” said Gannon, adding that he would prefer to avoid asking the lip-pierced, teenage girl with a ski cap covering her dyed-red hair if she would please move her backpack so he could browse the shelves. “I’ll just pretend to browse the Business and Money section until they leave.” At press time, Gannon had decided to exit the bookstore, saying that he could just order volume two of Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing collection on Amazon.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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