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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Man Confused By Compliment From Person Whose Career He Can’t Help

QUINCY, MA—Local man Alex Heard told reporters Thursday that he was thoroughly confused after receiving a compliment from an acquaintance despite the fact that he could in no way advance this individual’s career or assist him professionally whatsoever. “I think Mike [Dawes] knows that I don’t have any pull at my office, so I’m not sure what his angle is here,” said Heard, adding that he was at a complete loss to come up with another ulterior motive Dawes may have had for his praise. “We actually work in completely different fields, and he’s never expressed any interest in doing my type of work before, so it just doesn’t make any sense that he’d say something like that. I mean, who knows? Maybe he meant it.” At press time, Heard had returned home to find a LinkedIn invitation from Dawes waiting in his inbox.

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