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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Man Could See Himself Spending Rest Of Life With Image Of Woman In Head

TALLAHASSEE, FL—According to friends and associates, 28-year-old Tallahassee resident Paul Curnow could really see himself spending the rest of his life with the highly idealized version of Allison James, a 23-year-old personal assistant with whom he’s gone on two dates. “She’s perfect for me,” Curnow said of the woman who in actuality shares none of his interests or ambitions, has no intention of settling down, and plans to move to California in the spring. “I can see us buying an old place downtown, fixing it up, having a couple kids, maybe opening a little shop around the corner. It’d be a nice life.” James could not be reached for comment, as she was making out with another man in the back of the bar at the time.

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