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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Man Cruises By William H. Macy's Website To Check Out The Latest News

BAYONNE, NJ—Not wanting to miss out on the latest William H. Macy news, local resident Andy Dorman popped by the actor's official website Wednesday to check it out and update himself on everything Macy. "I was already surfing the web, so I figured why not zip on over to WilliamHMacy.net and see what he's got cooking," a satisfied Dorman said of the visit, during which he pored over Macy's filmography page and signed the actor's guest book. "Did you know he was born in Miami but grew up in Georgia and Maryland? He's apparently pretty involved in charities, too." While admitting he was disappointed that the videos page was still under construction, Dorman said he was looking forward to e-mailing Macy as soon as he thinks of a good question to ask him.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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