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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Man Deeply Suspicious After Insurer Covers Prescription Without Hassle

GAS CITY, IN—Taking for granted that his employer’s insurance would not cover the cost of his prescription antibiotics, local man Aaron Lasser was reportedly left deeply suspicious Thursday after being told by the pharmacist his plan had in fact paid for the medication in its entirety. “I went into CVS naturally assuming I’d have to pay at least 30 bucks out of pocket, but then the guy at the pharmacy counter said I was all set,” said a baffled Lasser, who added that, after looking down at the receipt for $0 stapled to the bag containing his prescription, he asked the pharmacist to double-check that there hadn’t been a mistake. “There wasn’t even a co-pay. That doesn’t make sense, does it? I need to get this sorted out. They’ll probably penalize me or something.” At press time, a skeptical Lasser was dialing the 800 number on the back of his insurance card to get to the bottom of what happened.

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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