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Man Deeply Suspicious After Insurer Covers Prescription Without Hassle

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Man Deeply Suspicious After Insurer Covers Prescription Without Hassle

GAS CITY, IN—Taking for granted that his employer’s insurance would not cover the cost of his prescription antibiotics, local man Aaron Lasser was reportedly left deeply suspicious Thursday after being told by the pharmacist his plan had in fact paid for the medication in its entirety. “I went into CVS naturally assuming I’d have to pay at least 30 bucks out of pocket, but then the guy at the pharmacy counter said I was all set,” said a baffled Lasser, who added that, after looking down at the receipt for $0 stapled to the bag containing his prescription, he asked the pharmacist to double-check that there hadn’t been a mistake. “There wasn’t even a co-pay. That doesn’t make sense, does it? I need to get this sorted out. They’ll probably penalize me or something.” At press time, a skeptical Lasser was dialing the 800 number on the back of his insurance card to get to the bottom of what happened.

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