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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Man Defends Home State's License Plate Design

BOSTON—Despite having never before given the topic a moment's thought, maintenance mechanic Ron Krueger, 46, aggressively defended his home state of Pennsylvania's license plate design Monday after a coworker's negative comment. "The horizontal bands of blue, white, and yellow are not only bold, but they're the perfect color combination," Krueger said in defense of the piece of aluminum. "Also, it's ridiculous for you to not like the font. Check out the stupid frilly letters on your license plate; they look terrible. State names should always be in caps. Always." Krueger was later surprised at how angry he became when a coworker complained that it took a long time to drive across Pennsylvania.

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