Man Dives Haphazardly Into Conversation Like Wounded Osprey

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Man Dives Haphazardly Into Conversation Like Wounded Osprey

BLOOMFIELD, CT—Local man Alan Heller, 37, hovered near a gathering of acquaintances for 30 seconds and then plunged haphazardly into their conversation, much like an osprey with a clipped wing and poor depth perception that spirals wildly into the sea. Heller reportedly saw the group engaged in a discussion, circled twice when he thought he recognized something on the surface of the conversation, and then dove in with the suddenness and lack of grace characteristic of severely injured diurnal sea hawks, asking those around him if they were indeed talking about popcorn. "It was sad to watch," said Amy Messer, who witnessed the pathetic event. "Why didn't anyone put him out of his misery?"

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