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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Man Finally Unpauses 'Super Mario Bros.' After 18 Years Of Chores

REYNARD, NV—Nearly two decades after suspending the game to clean the bathroom and mow the front yard, Nevada resident Dennis Rigali, 29, finally resumed the Super Mario Bros. adventure he started in 1991. "My mom would not get off my back until I did all my laundry, and then I had all this stupid school work I had to finish," Rigali said regarding his decision to leave the game paused until after he picked up his room, graduated from college, and dated a woman for 7 years. "Aw, man. The princess is at the other castle?" As of press time, Rigali had not located former next-door neighbor Jeff Isola to take his turn as Luigi.

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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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