Man Fishes For Legendary, Elusive Compliment

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Vol 44 Issue 24

Area Grandmother Tries Indian Food

BLOOMINGTON, MN—Witnesses report Eileen Rutherford, 78, was overwhelmed by the unusual aromas but appeared delighted when a recognizable pea rolled out of her samosa.

Cricket Located

IRWIN, PA—In a feat of extraordinary patience, auditory precision, and monklike concentration, 42-year-old Pat Baer interrupted his favorite TV...

CD Sales Down, LP Sales Up

While sales of CDs fell 17 percent between 2006 and 2007, sales of LPs rose 36 percent in the same period. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Comfort

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    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Man Fishes For Legendary, Elusive Compliment

SYRACUSE, NY—Junior sales associate James Kilmartin, 32, announced Monday that he is prepared to angle for the oft-fabled, legendary compliment said to reside deep beneath the inhospitable exterior of his supervisor, Lucinda Brannan. "Old Billy Hume in accounting said he had it on the line once when he saved the company a bundle by noticing a billing error, but the damned thing got away when Lucinda suddenly disappeared to take a phone call," Kilmartin said. "Some say [the mythical compliment] is over six minutes long, and can boost a man's self-esteem for nigh on 40 days. But lo, if it turns backhanded, it will cut you in half." Kilmartin said he plans on chumming the breakroom with freshly baked pastries and trawling for the compliment by slowly walking past Brannan's office while loudly noting his sales figures.

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