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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Man Fishes For Legendary, Elusive Compliment

SYRACUSE, NY—Junior sales associate James Kilmartin, 32, announced Monday that he is prepared to angle for the oft-fabled, legendary compliment said to reside deep beneath the inhospitable exterior of his supervisor, Lucinda Brannan. "Old Billy Hume in accounting said he had it on the line once when he saved the company a bundle by noticing a billing error, but the damned thing got away when Lucinda suddenly disappeared to take a phone call," Kilmartin said. "Some say [the mythical compliment] is over six minutes long, and can boost a man's self-esteem for nigh on 40 days. But lo, if it turns backhanded, it will cut you in half." Kilmartin said he plans on chumming the breakroom with freshly baked pastries and trawling for the compliment by slowly walking past Brannan's office while loudly noting his sales figures.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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