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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Man Flirting With Girl At Party Can’t Wait To Be Informed She Has Boyfriend

PASADENA, CA—Speaking with reporters from a crowded house party Friday, area man Trent Dobson, 26, said that he simply couldn’t wait for the woman with whom he’d been flirting for the last 20 minutes to inform him that she has a boyfriend. “I have definitely been hitting it off with Alison [Hines], and I’m really looking forward to later tonight when, just as I’m working up the courage to ask for her number, she offhandedly mentions that she’s meeting up with her boyfriend of two years after the party,” Dobson said while grabbing more drinks for the two of them, adding that he was eager to get back to the conversation so that he could hear her use the name Travis in the course of their discussion, casually specify that he’s her boyfriend, and then continue with her anecdote. “There’s just so much we have in common: the same offbeat sense of humor, we’re passionate about the same issues, we’re into the same music. I think I’ve finally met someone who understands me and who is already in a loving and stable relationship that I’m going to be notified of very soon.” Dobson added that he didn't want to get ahead of himself, but if the rest of the night played out “just right,” he’d soon cap off the evening by returning to his apartment alone and watching a movie he’s already seen numerous times until he fell asleep.

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