adBlockCheck

Man Flirting With Girl At Party Can’t Wait To Be Informed She Has Boyfriend

Top Headlines

Recent News

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Man Flirting With Girl At Party Can’t Wait To Be Informed She Has Boyfriend

PASADENA, CA—Speaking with reporters from a crowded house party Friday, area man Trent Dobson, 26, said that he simply couldn’t wait for the woman with whom he’d been flirting for the last 20 minutes to inform him that she has a boyfriend. “I have definitely been hitting it off with Alison [Hines], and I’m really looking forward to later tonight when, just as I’m working up the courage to ask for her number, she offhandedly mentions that she’s meeting up with her boyfriend of two years after the party,” Dobson said while grabbing more drinks for the two of them, adding that he was eager to get back to the conversation so that he could hear her use the name Travis in the course of their discussion, casually specify that he’s her boyfriend, and then continue with her anecdote. “There’s just so much we have in common: the same offbeat sense of humor, we’re passionate about the same issues, we’re into the same music. I think I’ve finally met someone who understands me and who is already in a loving and stable relationship that I’m going to be notified of very soon.” Dobson added that he didn't want to get ahead of himself, but if the rest of the night played out “just right,” he’d soon cap off the evening by returning to his apartment alone and watching a movie he’s already seen numerous times until he fell asleep.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close