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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Freely Smoking Pot in Washington Literally Has No Issue He Feels Strongly About Anymore

SEATTLE—Celebrating the new law in Washington state that allows him to freely smoke marijuana within his home, local man Erik Cirrone, 25, told reporters Thursday there is no longer any political or social issue he feels strongly about in any way whatsoever. “Yeah, the right to smoke marijuana legally was pretty much the only thing even remotely tying me to events going on in the world,” said Cirrone, who unreservedly took a drag from a joint before adding that he does not have an impassioned stance, or any stance at all, on topics such as the economy, health care, gay rights, unemployment, Gaza, global warming, or any other major domestic or international matter. “I used to consider myself pretty political before this law was passed, but now I realize this was actually the one and only political issue I cared about. Don’t really give a shit about anything else, frankly.” At press time, Cirrone was smoking pot.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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