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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Man Gets In Best Shape Of Life To Hang From Bar

BEIJING—Over the course of two years, gymnast Fabian Hambuchen has sculpted his body into peak physical condition, reportedly training three times per day, running up to 70 miles per week, and going to the gym as early as 6 a.m. in order to hang from a horizontal bar for various 30-second intervals over the next two weeks. "This is the best I've ever been," said Hambuchen, whose superior cardiovascular system and 2.2 percent body fat are sufficient to allow him to climb Mount Everest, but who will instead hang from, swing from, and jump down from a nine-foot-high bar. "I've trained my whole life for this moment." Hambuchen is currently ranked 14th in the world at hanging from a bar.

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