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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Man Getting Screwed By Company’s $180,000 Health Deductible

BOULDER, CO—Noting that his out-of-pocket costs seemed a little high, recently hired marketing assistant Jerry Aarons, 32, told sources Tuesday that he is beginning to suspect he’s getting screwed over by his health plan’s $180,000 deductible. “At my last job my annual deductible was only around $900 for the same coverage, so this seems a little off the mark,” said Aarons, recalling how the plan had looked like a good deal on paper because once he pays the $180,000, he’d only be responsible for 60 percent of the subsequent costs plus no co-pay for preventative care. “After signing up, I did some rough estimates and I was like, ‘Oh man, I have to go to the doctor 400 times and have 26 elective surgeries before this becomes worth it.’ You know, I bet this plan is probably meant for an older person whose health isn’t as great.” At press time, Aarons was also starting to question the value of having a 401(k) that can’t be touched until he’s 130.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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