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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Man Going To Show Up To Launch Of J.K. Rowling's New Book Dressed As Severus Snape Anyway

SEAFORD, DE—Disregarding the fact that the novel has nothing to do with Harry Potter or wizardry, local man Quincy Basset, 33, announced his plan to line up for the release of J.K. Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy dressed as Severus Snape anyway. “Fuck it, I don’t care if he’s not in the book,” said Basset, donning his long robes, $200 potion master jacket, and flowing jet black wig as he has for the releases of the past three Harry Potter books, and all eight films. “Look, it’s a book release, J.K. Rowling wrote the book, and I’ve got a Snape outfit. So I’m just going to go for it.” At press time, Basset was waiting in line at his local Barnes and Noble alongside dozens of fans dressed up as the middle-class English teachers, doctors, and shopkeeper characters featured in Rowling’s new book.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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