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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Man Hopes Hot Woman In Next Apartment Can Hear How Well He's Fucking His Girlfriend

MIRAMAR, FL—During sexual intercourse Monday, Curtis Davie, 23, hoped that his attractive neighbor could hear the pleasured moans of his girlfriend through his apartment wall. "Don't get me wrong, things are going great with Amy," Davie said. "But it certainly never hurts to have a hot chick next door who secretly knows you're a sexual dynamo." To increase his chances of being heard, Davie is considering moving his bed to the wall between his apartment and the neighbor's, or at least closer to the shared air duct.

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