adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Insists On Calling Fanny Pack 'Lumbar Satchel'

LORAIN, OH–According to coworkers, Novitech systems administrator Ted Shiner insists on referring to his fanny pack as a "lumbar satchel." "I asked him if he had the key to the fifth-floor men's room, and he tells me to get it out of his 'lumbar satchel,'" account manager Fred Weyert said of the ponytailed, 29-year-old Shiner. "I had to ask him, like, three more times and go through having him describe exactly where it was on his desk before I realized he was talking about his damn fanny pack."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close