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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Man Invisible On Gchat Observes World From Impregnable Perch

ST. LOUIS—Having earlier in the day set his Gchat status to “invisible,” local man Jeff Young, 29, reportedly spent his Wednesday afternoon monitoring the comings and goings of his various online contacts as a silent and unknowable observer, espying the world and its madding crowd from his lofty, impregnable perch. “Here I lurk, unseen and yet all-seeing, privy to the deepest and darkest secrets of all who toil below me,” Young said, moments after withdrawing into the virtual shadows, all evidence of his very online existence obscured by an unassuming gray circle in his Gchat sidebar. “I am a watcher of limitless vision, unknown to the watched, gazing with fearsome power and great solemnity upon those pitiable fools whose online presence lies in plain sight. Lo, in my omniscience, I am akin to God Himself.” At press time, Young’s girlfriend had somehow breached his seemingly impenetrable observatory, demanding to know why he was ignoring her.

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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