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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Man Just Having One Of Those Decades Where He Doesn't Feel Like Doing Anything

LANSING, MI—Saying he just hasn’t been motivated to change out of his pajamas and put on nice clothes, 45-year-old Jeff Renton confirmed Tuesday that he’s currently having one of those decades where he doesn’t really feel like getting up and doing anything. “It’s already 2014 and I haven’t really gotten around to anything yet, so at this point, I’m probably just going to chill out on the couch for the rest of the decade and see what’s on Netflix,” said Renton, who reportedly awoke on New Year’s Day 2010 feeling “kind of blah” and then, after not getting much done over the next 36 months, decided to call the current decade a wash. “Some decades you feel motivated to do stuff and some you just feel like playing video games and staying in bed. And seeing how this decade’s gone so far, I might as well just take it easy for the next six years and focus on picking things up again in the 2020s.” Renton noted, however, that if he found himself inspired, he might consider showering and taking a stab at some light housework around 2018.

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