CHICAGO—Completely embarrassing themselves in a pitiful display of collective ineptitude, a group of five female friends who gathered for happy hour Monday reportedly failed in their sole duty of providing a recommendation for a good gynecologist when asked for one by a new acquaintance who had recently moved to the area.
TUPELO, MSThe Blessed Mother Mary said Monday that devout Catholic Anthony Montero is simply praying to her as a way to get to her Son, Jesus Christ. "People exploit me for my connections, worshipping me as a way to get closer to Jesus," said the Holy Virgin, bathed in a golden light and attended by seraphim. "How would Anthony feel if I called upon him in the guise of friendship, but simply wanted his cousin to do some plumbing work for me? It's just rude." Our Lady added that, if Montero wants to reach Jesus so badly, maybe he should "grow a pair and pray to Him directly."