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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Man Just Walked Into Best Buy For No Reason Whatsoever

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Despite having no reason for entering the store, 39-year-old Pat Arneson reportedly stopped into a local Best Buy Tuesday, browsed through the various sections, and then left 15 minutes later. "I don't know why, but I just sort of felt compelled to go in there," said Arneson, confirming that while inside he watched a child play a video game, avoided eye contact with sales representatives, and picked up some security-tethered cell phones from their cradles before letting them zip back into place. "I didn't really need anything. Didn't really want anything, either." After standing in front of a display of USB drives for five minutes, Arneson left the Best Buy and was last seen driving to the Barnes and Noble across the street, where, sources said, he was going to flip through some magazines.

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