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Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Man Just Wants To Come Home, Hear Lindsay Lohan Made Fun Of, Get Some Sleep

BELLEVUE, NE—Having just put in another double shift at work, 41-year-old utility worker Charlie Bellows reported Tuesday that he would like nothing more than to return home, sit on his couch, listen to utterly predictable jokes about troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan, and get a full night's rest. "All day long, I look forward to kicking back and hearing a series of lame cheap shots at Lindsay Lohan's expense before I head to bed," said Bellows, who claimed that with the stresses of his job he needed time at the end of every day to just unwind and listen to a hack comedian rip into the emotionally damaged young woman. "I don't think that's too much to ask." Bellows also claimed that after a good night's sleep, nothing prepares him for another hard day of work like a large cup of coffee and a loud radio personality's stale, shallow jabs at politicians.

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