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Man Just Wants To Come Home, Hear Lindsay Lohan Made Fun Of, Get Some Sleep

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Man Just Wants To Come Home, Hear Lindsay Lohan Made Fun Of, Get Some Sleep

BELLEVUE, NE—Having just put in another double shift at work, 41-year-old utility worker Charlie Bellows reported Tuesday that he would like nothing more than to return home, sit on his couch, listen to utterly predictable jokes about troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan, and get a full night's rest. "All day long, I look forward to kicking back and hearing a series of lame cheap shots at Lindsay Lohan's expense before I head to bed," said Bellows, who claimed that with the stresses of his job he needed time at the end of every day to just unwind and listen to a hack comedian rip into the emotionally damaged young woman. "I don't think that's too much to ask." Bellows also claimed that after a good night's sleep, nothing prepares him for another hard day of work like a large cup of coffee and a loud radio personality's stale, shallow jabs at politicians.

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