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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Man Looks Up 'Baseball' On Wikipedia

SAN FRANCISCO—Confused by a news report about someone named Barry Zito, local fan Tad Knackers took 20 or so minutes Tuesday to research the entry for baseball on Wikipedia and familiarize himself with the broader points of the game. "Apparently it is often referred to as the 'national pastime' and has had a profound cultural impact since it was first popularized around the turn of the century," said Knackers, who added that he was particularly curious about how the bases were numbered. "I learned about all the greats, like Jackie Robinson and Barry Bonds and Peter Gammons and Bull Durham, and I just couldn't stop clicking on the different links to learn more, like 'ahead in the count' and 'Baseball in the United Kingdom.' Plus, I finally know what a tag out is." Knackers eventually went on to read about the history of mixed-sex education in America.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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