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Personal Finance

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.

Study Finds 68% Of Americans Unprepared For Sudden Financial Stability

AMES, IA—Noting that most Americans never consider the possibility that such life-altering circumstances could ever befall them, a study published Monday by researchers at Iowa State University revealed that 68 percent of citizens are wholly unprepared for a sudden bout of financial stability.

30-Year-Old Factors In Birthday Money

MEDFORD, OR—While calculating his budget Wednesday, Ben Hollis, a 30-year-old man, carefully factored in the birthday money he’ll receive next month as a way to offset a number of expenses, sources confirmed.
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Man Makes Quick Call To Parents So Next Week’s Call To Ask For Money Doesn’t Seem That Bad

NEW YORK—Explaining that he wanted to lay the groundwork with a quick check-in to “see how they were doing,” local 24-year-old Grant Talbot reportedly made a phone call to his parents Friday so his call next week asking for money wouldn’t seem that bad. “Usually, I ask about a few things back home to soften them up before calling back a few days later to say I’m running low on cash,” said Talbot, who told reporters that the 17-minute conversation with his mother and father about topics such as recent family gatherings, kitchen renovations, and plans for the summer would significantly lessen the blow of next week’s request for $350 to help pay bills. “I mentioned a few things going on in my life and hinted that I’m thinking about coming home soon. That should really do the trick so it doesn’t seem like every call is just about money.” At press time, Talbot’s parents had already written out the check to send their son in anticipation of his inevitable follow-up call asking for money.

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