adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Man Misses Simple Pleasure Of Going To Movie Store, Browsing For Something, Being Told It’s Out, Driving Home

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—Shortly after streaming a movie through his Netflix account earlier today, local man Brian Larson, 32, fondly recalled a simpler, more joyful time when he would go to his local video rental store, browse for a particular movie, find out it wasn’t available, and then drive home and find something else to do. “It was just a different experience walking into a cozy, independently run store and having someone tell you, sorry, they just rented out the last copy of the movie you really wanted to watch,” said Larson, adding that while he fully appreciated being able to immediately watch virtually any movie title on his laptop, he “occasionally misses” his Friday night routine of driving to a video store and then driving back home in disappointment 10 minutes later after failing to secure one of the store’s five copies of a new release. “Sometimes you could even see special recommendations made by video store employees, only to realize they don’t have any copies of those movies left either. It’s just the type of experience you’ll never get online.” At press time, Larson’s pangs of nostalgia were somewhat fulfilled when he found out the 2006 film The Prestige was not available to be streamed.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close